Transcript
But we're going to be jumping back into our series and thinking about the goals that we have—relationship goals that we are creating, that really we're finding in Romans 12, and that we're hopefully taking with us as we live our lives. We're thinking about how we can fulfill these different goals that Paul sets before us. If you remember, all of these goals are based on the mercy God has shown us. Paul says at the beginning of Romans 12, “I appeal to you, therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”
The picture in Romans 12:1 is this: based on the mercy God has shown you, we together have received tremendous mercy. Based on that mercy, we now turn and offer ourselves to God as living sacrifices. That means we no longer see our lives as our own. We don't see our lives as being lived for us, serving us, and doing all the things that make us happy. Now we are offering our time. We're offering our gifts and abilities, our efforts. We're offering everything we have in service to the Lord, for His glory and praise, because of what He's done for us.
So we set really hard goals for ourselves. And we talked about the first three goals already. We talked about the goal of serving sacrificially, using whatever gift God has given you to be to the praise of His glory, to help the body to grow into the fullness of the glory of Christ. That is the first goal. The second goal is to love one another sincerely, not just superficially, not just appearing to love one another, but to have an actual, genuine, heartfelt love. Not hypocritical love, but a true, genuine love for one another.
Then we talked about having a fervency within us: a desire to live fervently for God, to have zeal, to have fire inside of us. These three goals are not easy goals. These aren't about reading the Bible five times a week or praying three times a day—simple, physical things, you know, the kind I can check off a box. These are life transformation goals that are supposed to be done by us and within us. He says in verse 2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
God's will for us is not that we would check off a list of things that make us spiritual people. His will for us is to be transformed from within, to serve one another, lift one another up, love one another, and live fervently and zealously for God's glory. This is God's will for us, and it means different things for different people in different areas of our lives. As we continue this study, we move into the fourth and final goal in Romans 12. Perhaps this is going to be one of the most difficult goals of all, because sometimes, when life happens, we're not ready for it.
Sometimes we're going along, having a perfectly normal day, and everything seems to be jiving and working as it should. Then, out of nowhere, something bad happens. Somebody says something they shouldn't say. We mess up and embarrass ourselves. Or somebody brings up something that makes you uncomfortable, and it kind of ruins your day, makes you feel angry or emotional, and leaves you feeling that something is wrong inside you. All of a sudden, you lose track of everything you've learned about Christ and Christianity and the way we're supposed to live.
It all just falls apart, and now we act in ways we shouldn't. We say and do things we shouldn't. Can you relate to that? Has that ever happened? Does it happen more often than you care to admit?
God desires that this not happen. If it does, he desires that those feelings and emotions be overcome. He desires for us to respond graciously. That's the fourth goal. That's the fourth goal: to respond graciously.
That means speaking and acting in a way that demonstrates the grace and mercy of God. Responding graciously means refusing to let someone else's evil—or the circumstances we're living in, the situations we have to deal with—decide what comes out of me. It means refusing to let those events and people decide what comes out of us. I tell my kids this all the time: it's not about what happens to you; it's about how you respond to what happens to you. Just because your brother does this doesn't mean you have to do that.
Just because this happens doesn't mean you have to act that way. It doesn't mean you have to live that way. You are the one who gets to choose how you respond to the events that happen in your life. And God calls for us as Christians to respond graciously. So today we're going to think about this: How do we handle the situations we're in? How can we handle them better?
How can we handle them in a way that's gracious, in a way God desires us to be? Ultimately, we go back to verse 2, where he says, “Do not be conformed to this world.” We need to spend a little time thinking about what it means to be conformed to this world and what it means to be transformed with a renewed mind, especially and specifically in situations where everything is going wrong and our emotions are starting to boil up within us. We have to learn how to handle those types of situations differently than everyone else because that is what God's will is for our lives. What do you typically do when someone mistreats you?
How do you act around them? How do you act around others when something bad happens to you? The world teaches us one way to act. You know, you watch TV, you interact on Facebook, or just talk to people around you, and you get the sense that it's okay to do certain things. It's okay to react or to respond to bad situations in life in a certain way. It's okay to cuss.
It's okay to spit. It's okay to get angry. It's okay to throw things. It's okay to rage at people in your cars. It's okay to let people know how you feel and tell them what they did was wrong and give it back to them. The world tells us this is okay.
This is normal. You need to vent. You need to let it out. You bottle it up. It's going to eat you up inside. But the world doesn't even have to tell us that because we have something inside us telling us we have to stop this.
We have to control the situation. We have to fix whatever's broken. We have to make people do the right things. We have to stop the pain and suffering that we're going through. As I've grown and been around different people, I've noticed different periods in life. There were periods when I was surrounded by people who were angry, had a lot of angry outbursts, and were very demanding and selfish.
Those ideas, thoughts, and feelings started to seep into me, and I became much like the people around me. They started to influence me. And maybe that's you. Maybe people close to you are influencing you to act like them. In some cases, you can't get away from it—you have family members who live with you.
You're surrounded by those types of people. They say and do things that are very self-centered and self-focused. You get pulled in: if they can do that and get what they want, maybe I should do the same so that I can get what I want. We can develop a worldly attitude that says, “You shouldn't let them do that to you. You have to stand up for yourself. You have to stop that from happening.”
Nobody should have to deal with such things. This is the way the world responds. This is the way we want to respond to people who are abusive or mean or evil toward us. This is the way we want to respond when we get too hungry or when things go wrong in our lives—when the basement floods or whatever happens in life. We lose a job, or whatever it is. We want to stand up for ourselves.
We want to try to fix the problems. But look at what Paul says in verse 14: “Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse them.” That's not in the handbook of the world. That's not the way the world trains us to interact with people who betray us or people who offend us.
The world doesn't tell us, bless them. The world doesn't tell us, love them and care about them. No, it says, curse them. Forget them. They have gone against you. They don't deserve you.
Notice that Paul says he doesn't want you to do that. He doesn't want you to react and respond in a way that wishes for bad things to happen to people around you. He doesn't want you to ask God to crush them. He wants you to ask God to help them. He wants you to think about them repenting. He wants you to think about them being transformed, renewed, saved, and receiving all the same spiritual blessings that God wants to give you.
Paul says he wants you to give them mercy. I appeal to you by the mercies of God to give them mercy, to bless those who are hurting you. Think about that for a moment. How would it feel in that moment of being persecuted or being hurt by someone who is offending you or someone who is betraying you or someone who is acting in a way that is ungodly and unrighteous and evil and wicked? How would it feel in that moment to bless them instead of cursing them? It would probably feel unnatural.
It wouldn't feel right. Like, “This isn't—I don't want to do this. I don't want you to be blessed. I want you to suffer for what you've done to me.” And yet Paul is making it clear. We need to bless them.
Skip down to verse 17. He says, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.” You see, the response to those who do evil against us is not to multiply the evil. Evil can multiply evil. The answer is not to respond with evil. Someone speaks against us.
We want to speak against them. Someone wounds us. We want to wound them. That's the response we feel, and it seems natural. But instead of doing that, he wants us to take a few seconds and think about what a good response would be.
He says a good response is one that is going to be honorable in the sight of everyone. And we've seen those interactions where people are fussing and fighting with one another. It's like somebody spoke against somebody else, and then that person said, “Hey, I'm not going to stand for that. I'm going to speak against you.” They're just fussing and fighting.
If we're a third party looking at that, we're like, “It's a bunch of fools. I mean, they're both just wrong. They both need to shut up. They're both being hypocritical and overly harsh. They're saying things they don't mean—things that are untrue.”
And yet, when we're in those interactions, we have no idea that we've fallen into the same trap. That happens a lot. As we are arguing back with people, returning evil for evil, we are the foolish ones. Paul is trying to help us see that, as children of God who have received God's mercies, we're not supposed to be like that. We're supposed to grow out of that foolishness and speak good things into the situations of those who have spoken evil against us—things that show we are honorable people, good and pure and righteous before them.
Now, I know what's going to happen, though. As soon as we decide to stop retaliating, as soon as we decide to stop seeking vengeance and standing up for ourselves, people are going to start looking at us like we're weak. Maybe we're afraid of that. But by resisting the urge to attack somebody, we're not being doormats. That's what people say. That's what people think. That's what people are afraid of. That fear is why people often retaliate and act out against those who've acted against them. But that's not the case at all.
Notice the words here: you are not being passive.
You're not just saying, “Okay, I'm going to be quiet, accept it, receive it, and do nothing.” But he's not saying do nothing to those who persecute you. He's not saying cower and hide in fear. He's saying bless them. He's saying do what is honorable for them.
So, in response to wickedness done against us, when we do good for them and bless them, that is not a weak thing at all. Instead, that is the strongest thing we could possibly do. That shows immeasurable strength. When we respond with anger and malice and hatred, that's weak. When we respond like Christ responded, that's true strength. And we're giving them a glimpse of what Christ looks like. See, this is very evangelistic if we do it right.
We're teaching people. We're training people to do what is honorable instead of giving in to the emotions and the feelings that are within us. We're showing people that the sinful nature within us has been destroyed and defeated. And now Christ lives in us and we represent him faithfully. That's what Paul is calling for us to do. By the mercies of God, he wants us to live like Christ, sacrificially serving those who hate and abuse us, loving them genuinely, and living fervently in a way that will help them see the true greatness of God's will and God's way.
What would that look like in your life? You've got a spouse who's mean, hateful, and abusive. You've got parents who are mean, hateful, and abusive. You've got a brother, a sister, a friend, a coworker, or a neighbor. What would it look like for you to bless them?
What would it look like for you to go out of your way to sacrificially serve them and love them, and live for them to be exalted and to be made much of, like Jesus has exalted us and made much of us? What would it look like for us to be merciful to the one who is trying to kill us and crush us? What would that look like? What kind of message would that send to them and the people around them? It would show them that we're not affected. We're not crushed by their evil, and we're not going to be persuaded to be evil with them.
Instead, we are going to be different and make a huge impact. That's ultimately what Paul desires for us: to be living sacrifices for God, allowing people to do the things they're going to do and not returning evil for evil. Whenever I was in high school, I didn't get picked on because people knew. They messed with me. I was crazy. I had a crazy look in my eye.
I'd terrify people. So I didn't get picked on. Nobody messed with me. They didn't know what I was all about. Maybe that's the temptation: we try to project a persona to prevent anything from happening, right? That's what we do.
We try to prevent the evil. We try to stop the evil from happening. We don't want to suffer in this life. We don't want to expose ourselves to that. And so we take all kinds of different tactics to try to prevent people from persecuting and hurting us. And what Paul is telling us to do is to live in such a way that persecutions may come.
When they do come, we have to respond in a way that is the opposite of what we might think we really want to do. All of this is not easy. This is hard: opening ourselves up to potential suffering and persecution, and then, when they come, loving, helping, and blessing those who persecute us instead of retaliating. That's not easy. So how are we going to be able to do this? Look at the following verses and notice what is said.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.” Notice that verses 15 and 16 almost sound totally disconnected.
But when you think about blessing people who are cursing you, you notice the connection. He's telling us that if we're going to do this—if we're going to respond graciously—we need a humble attitude, a humble heart. You don't need to be selfish and self-focused and self-exalting. You need to be mindful of others. You know, whenever others are rejoicing, I might have some jealousy about whatever it is they're rejoicing about. Whenever others are weeping, I might not want to be inconvenienced to grieve with them.
I might just want to say, “I'm praying for you. I hope that works out.” But what God—what Paul—is telling us is this: You need to be the type of person who cares about other people. You need to be the type of person who is not thinking about yourself all the time. Don't think, “I'm the main character of this story.” Instead, think, “It's about you. I'm here to serve you.”
“I'm here to think about you. I'm here to care for you.” If we're going to be people who respond graciously, we cannot have pride. In telling us to be humble, what he's really telling us is this: You will never bless those who curse you if you care more about yourself than about them. If we're haughty and wise in our own eyes, if we think more of ourselves than of others and look down our noses at others, then, when they persecute us, we'll think, “How dare you? Who do you think you are?”
If you want to be like Christ, you've got to put away all those thoughts, feelings, and emotions. If you want to prepare yourself for persecution—for somebody offending you or hurting you—you need to stop thinking so highly of yourself and start thinking more about other people. So the first thing we have to do to respond graciously is get rid of the pride that runs throughout our lives. Pride is an insidious thing. It's hidden; we may not even know that we have it.
If somebody speaks out against you and your instant response is to speak out against them—or somebody hurts you and your instant response is to hurt them—you probably have some pride in you. You probably think more of yourself than you ought to think. Second, skip to verse 18. He says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
Okay, this is interesting. This is one of the more interesting verses in Scripture, and maybe I've misunderstood it somewhat in the past. But he says, “If possible.” So it's like, okay, maybe sometimes this isn't going to be possible. But he says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you.” Now, that doesn't mean it depends on what you feel or think about it.
It means you should do as much as you can, to the extent you have control over the situation. When somebody acts out against you and decides to be evil toward you, you have control over what you can do to help the situation. There's only so much that you can do, though. If somebody decides to be evil towards you, you can't make them be nice. You can modify your own behavior.
You can modify your own thoughts. You can do as much as you can do. Paul says he wants you to do as much as you can, as far as it depends on you. In the disagreement between two people, you have a side and they have a side. He says he wants you to do everything you can on your side to ensure there is peace between you and that person.
Just like Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” They will see God. They will be called children of God. That's the picture. We must be people—men and women—who are seeking peace and harmony with others. If you want to respond graciously, your mindset has to be, “I'm here to make peace. I'm not here to fix what's broken. I'm not here to make you do all the right things. I'm here to do everything I can to make this relationship work and help you see and understand the greatness of God.”
He says that if you're going to respond graciously, you need to think about peace and making peace. And if possible, as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with everyone. There's nobody in this world I do not want to have peace with.
That's the idea. I want to have peace with every other person. Third, in verse 19, he says, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God. For it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Notice here, if you're going to live graciously, you need to understand who vengeance belongs to.
We need to understand that we are not good at judging and giving punishments. I'm not good at it. I might think I am. I might think I know how to fix people and how to give people what they deserve. But I don't know all the information like God does. And I'm not as just as he is.
So if you're going to respond graciously, you need to understand that you're not in the role or position of giving judgments and punishments to other people. That's not our job. God has graciously taken that from us, and I'm glad he did. In trying to correct and discipline my children, I understand that I don't get it right all the time. I mess up.
I know the same would be true if I tried to judge and punish people outside my own family. Yes, we need to have some level of judgment in the church. There's supposed to be some level of judgment. But ultimately, the punishments for the sins that are committed against us are not ours to give out. They're God's. So our job is to respond graciously.
Our job is to be kind and generous and merciful to other people and to let God handle everything else. He says something interesting in verse 20: “To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed them. If he's thirsty, give him something to drink. For by so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
I know some of you are like, “That's my verse right there. That's motivating me to be kind to everybody.” I just imagine God sprinkling the coals on top of his head. His hair's on fire. No, I don't think that's really what he's saying in this context. I don't think that by doing good deeds to people, you're making their judgment worse and that that should be the motivation that's driving you. That doesn't fit well in the context at all. But the next verse gives the idea: “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
The idea here is that by doing good deeds for those people, you're affecting them. You're making them feel shame and guilt for the evil they've done, and you're bringing about a change within them.
God is working through you to bring about a change within them and to transform their hearts, to help them to see how awful they're being and to become transformed from within like you are. You cut to the heart and you're opening up a door to share the gospel with them. That good can overcome evil. That light can go into the darkness. So make it a goal in your life that whenever people are evil or mean toward you in any way or situation, or whenever things are going badly in your life, you don't spout out evil or respond in an evil way. Instead, respond graciously, kindly, and compassionately.
Even if they're your enemies, give them food, give them drink, give them blessing. Care for them, forgive them, and be peaceable toward them, because by doing so you're honoring God. You're living sacrificially and you're showing that you care and you appreciate the mercies that God has given to you. I like this from Charles Spurgeon. He says, “Evil for good is devil-like. Evil for evil is beast-like. Good for good is man-like. And good for evil is God-like.”
Keep that in your minds and hearts as those events come. I know it may not even happen this week. Satan's crafty like that. You're going to have a great week and nothing's ever going to go wrong this week.
And you're going to be on cloud nine and you're going to forget all about this sermon. And the next week something bad is going to happen and it's going to be awful. And you're going to have the temptation to return evil for evil. Remember, it's beast-like. We don't want to be that way. We want to be God-like.
God has shown us tremendous mercy. Now it's our job to turn and show tremendous mercy to people around us who don't deserve it, just as we don't deserve God's mercy. I hope that this lesson helps you to think about your relationship with others. I hope all of these goals will be on your minds and in your hearts, so that we can all live in a way that pleases God and honors him. If you're here today and you're not living for God and you're not glorifying him with your life, God has demonstrated his love and his mercy. He's willing to forgive all—everyone who comes to him. He's willing to forgive all of our sins, renew us, and give us a new heart. And if you're here and you have been renewed, make sure that you're being transformed by his mercies and not being conformed to this world. If there's anybody here who needs anything, please come as we stand and as we sing.