Avoiding Divorce (Matthew 5:31-32)
January 19, 2020
Those who receive the blessings of this kingdom must have a heart that desires to do the will of God. Jesus has revealed to us in the Sermon on the Mount that God's people are humble. They let go of self to love and serve others. As our hearts want to do the will of God, we start to repent of sins like anger and lust, and we become more righteous than the most religious people. This makes us into people who are like God, shining for the world to see his glory. But anytime we talk about a specific sin, it cuts us and makes us realize how we have failed to be what God wants us to be. In response, we might try to justify our sins or come up with another way of reading the Bible so that it's not so bad. We can't do that and still say that we love God.
Today we are going to talk about divorce. Regardless of what society says about this topic, there is very little good that can be found on the topic of divorce. Divorce always results in some feelings of failure, betrayal, anger, hurt, loneliness, insecurity, fear, and confusion for everyone involved. This act will harm both spouses. Children are often victims of this act as they are forced to live a portion of their lives without one of their parents. This is not a happy topic, nor is it something to be flippant about or ignore. The odds are very high that most of us have been affected by divorce in some way. It is not something that we wish exists.
"It Was Also Said"
Matthew 5:31 (ESV) --- 31 "It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.'
This sounds just like what we have today. If we want a divorce, we can just go down to the lawyer's office and fill out some paperwork. That's all there is to it. If I'm in a marriage I don't want to be in, I can get out of it. Jesus is bringing up the teachings of the Pharisees and scribes on divorce. The teaching of these religious leaders is that divorce is okay, so long as the husband gives his wife a certificate of divorce. In the first century, divorce was as common as it is in our day. The Israelites had two views. One view was that divorce was allowed when a wife has committed adultery. The other view was that a husband could divorce his wife for any reason. The list of reasons given is pretty extensive. Ecclesiasticus, which is an apocryphal book written around 150 BC, said that commanded Jews to divorce their wife if she "won't do what you tell her to do." The Mishnah allowed divorce if she was barren, if she has a physical defect (one eye higher than the other, poor posture, thinning hair), if she burns his meat, or if the man finds someone else to be prettier. Essentially, he could divorce his wife for any reason. Women could not do that, but men could.
But to be righteous, he has to give her a certificate of divorce that will allow her to remarry. In that culture, a woman bound to a man who will not take care of her and will not free her to marry another is in a horrible situation. Men could have multiple wives without any issues as long as they could afford it. Do we see how unequal the marriage bond is?
How did it get that way? Deuteronomy 24 contains a law about marriage that the Jews were misreading to their benefit. It says, "If a man finds something indecent thing in his wife and he gives her a certificate of divorce." What is interesting about that text is that it doesn't stop there. It is not really about giving a certificate of divorce. The point of the text is that the divorced woman cannot return to her first husband after she has been married to another. That would defile the land. God does not command or even allow divorce for some indecent thing. He merely acknowledges that it takes place and tries to prevent it from becoming something worse. The Jews in Jesus' days were interpreting the "indecent thing" to mean anything and saying that breaking the marriage covenant was no big deal!
Doesn't this sound very similar to today? The main difference is that now a woman is able to divorce a man for any reason and she can support herself. The sad truth of our day is that divorce is widely accepted by our society. The marriage covenant is of very little value. If you google divorce, you will find that you can divorce your spouse for just a couple hundred dollars. It's so easy that it is not uncommon to work around people who have been divorced and remarried multiple times, just like the Samaritan woman at the well. How does Jesus feel about all of this divorce and remarriage?
"But I Say To You"
Matthew 5:32 (ESV) --- 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
What is the "indecent thing" according to Jesus? It is sexual immorality. Jesus teaches the complete opposite of the most popular view in the first century and the most popular belief today. He says that it is not okay to divorce and break the vows that we make to our spouse for any reason. Throwing out our marriage vows is a much bigger deal than we often make it out to be. Why is it such a big deal?
Notice what Jesus says in this text, "Everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery..." This is a big deal because giving a spouse a certificate of divorce does not free them to marry someone else in the sight of God. God does not consider a piece of paper sufficient payment for the vows we have made to love, honor, and cherish our spouse until death. God doesn't hear us take an oath, join us together with another human being, and then forget about it because one of us decide we want to be free of our vows. That's not the way vows work.
When the Jew decided to divorce his wife because he didn't like the way she looked, he is completely ignoring the vows, he spoke to her on their wedding day. Can you imagine taking the things people divorce over and stating them as the exception clauses in our marriage vows? I promise to love, honor, and cherish you in health and happiness until death, but if you get sick, if your personality changes, or if you look less beautiful than you look today, I will reserve the right to divorce you. How romantic is that?
The wedding day is the happiest day for many married couples because it is a day of promises. There is nothing like hearing another person promise that they will love, honor, and cherish you for the rest of their lives even when life is hard. That just makes you feel good. But after the wedding day, we have to do a lot of work to do to keep those promises. That's the way we ought to view marriage. We are working hard to keep the vows we made.
Notice how Jesus' words here are different from other texts about divorce. He doesn't say, everyone who divorces his wife commits adultery, like in Chapter 19. That is true, but he wants to focus on the fact that divorcing our spouse makes them commit adultery. We are not just failing to support our spouse anymore, which is a violent sin against our spouse; we are putting a stumbling block before them and whoever they decide to marry going forward. We are creating an adulterous relationship and harming our spouse. The bond that God joins together is not so easily broken.
Implications
I don't want to complicate what Jesus says here because it is intended to be very simple. He condemns what was commonplace in the society around him. The religious teachers and the society around them said it was okay. But Jesus is trying to help everyone understand what God's people look like in God's kingdom. Divorce is not an option with only one exception, sexual immorality. When we enter into a marriage covenant, we are joined together with someone for better or worse. We cannot betray these vows flippantly without God holding us accountable.
If we are hungering and thirsting for righteousness, that must be seen first and foremost in the way we honor and cherish our spouse. As men and women who accept the blessings of the kingdom, we must look at others with love even if they drive us crazy and make us angry. If we are tempted to get rid of our spouse and find someone better, Jesus tells us we are doing great evil. We are causing them to commit adultery with someone else. We must love our neighbor as ourselves to enjoy the blessings of God. Our spouse is our closest neighbor.
God Hates Divorce
God has always felt this way, and he even made it clear 400 years earlier in the book of Malachi.
Malachi 2:13--16 (ESV) --- 13 And this second thing you do. You cover the Lord's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. 14 But you say, "Why does he not?" Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. 15 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. 16 "For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless."
God does not accept the worship of those who are unfaithful to their spouse. Some of your translations may end with God hates divorce. The translation there is difficult, but the idea is the same. God hates violence and oppression resulting from selfishness, and that is what we do when we divorce for any reason.
God Loves Faithfulness
On the other hand, God is delighted when a husband remains faithful to his wife. We see this in Abraham and Zechariah, who both had barren wives and were given a child in very old age. Zechariah could have divorced Elizabeth for being barren. God blesses his love for his wife and his faithfulness by giving him John the Baptist, who would prepare the way for Jesus.
New Hearts In Marriage
How many of us know people who profess to be Christians while hating their spouse? I have seen people trying to get out of their marriage vows by forcing their spouse to commit adultery. Does anyone here really think that will make us righteous before God as we divorce our spouse? I thought this proverb to be very fitting for that situation.
Proverbs 26:24--27 (ESV) --- 24 Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; 25 when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; 26 though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. 27 Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling.
Husbands and wives are supposed to protect each other from harm, not work deceptively to harm each other. Do we think God doesn't know what we are doing? If I love my neighbor as myself, I don't want them to sin against God. Jesus is telling us to stop seeking a divorce. Divorce is not something to joke about. It should be the last thing we want for our spouse. We do not want to put our spouse in a situation where they will be tempted to commit adultery or marry someone else.
Our goal as a married couple must be to fulfill our vows to our spouse. We have to work hard to love, honor, and cherish them, going above and beyond so that they are madly in love with us. We hope that they will see our love and return the kindness we show them. This is going to affair-proof our marriage. We want our spouse to be so in love with us that the thought of someone else disgusts them. How do we get there? We have to focus on the needs of our spouse, lovingly communicate our needs, work hard, and be patient and understanding toward them when they fail to hold up their end of the bargain. We cannot lash out with disrespectful judgments, tell lies, or do things that annoy them.
One of the most common reasons given for divorce is, "I fell out of love with him/her." That is not a reason to divorce, but don't let that happen in your marriage. We can stay in love throughout our marriages. But it takes a lot of work and commitment to change. This will make our marriages happier, and God will see our sacrificial love and know that we love him as well.
If there is someone here who has been divorced, there is no telling what the circumstances are behind that divorce. Our society has made a mess of this topic, and we have people all over the place who have no clue that it was wrong to divorce their spouse for any reason. I'm sorry that you have gone through this suffering and pain. If you are unable to remarry without committing adultery, let me encourage you to remember the one relationship that matters. We have a bridegroom who is always with us and who will never forsake us. Don't see the singleness as a hindrance, but as an opportunity to be more devoted to the Lord. That is the way Paul views it in 1 Cor 7.
Marriage is not the most important thing in life. If it were, there would be marriage after this life. Jesus clearly says there is no need for marriage after this life is over (Matthew 22:30). The disciples even recognized that it might be better to remain unmarried (Matthew 19:10)
Conclusion
What is marriage? Marriage is a human illustration of the divine relationship. As great as marriage can be, it is not the ultimate. It is a way for us to understand the ultimate. If you are happily married, praise God for giving you a taste of what is to come. Let us fulfill our vows and remain faithful to death. Our desire must be to please God, above all else. That desire must outweigh our desire to enjoy life. If we love God, we cannot divorce our spouse except for sexual immorality. God hates divorce, so we must nurture our relationships and remain faithful in every way to prevent this from happening.