A Family Begins (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

Throughout this series, we will talk about families in our spiritual family. This church family is made up of spiritual families that are very different. We are brothers and sisters of one another, but we also have mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, husbands, and wives. As the body of Christ, we are all dealing with deep relationships with people outside the body of Christ and, in some cases, deeper relationships with those inside the body of Christ. Some of you have much of your family worshipping with you. What a blessing that is! I pray that will happen more!

We all have family members connected to us physically but not spiritually. So, this series is intended to encourage us to work on those relationships. Our heart desires for those we consider family to receive God’s grace. It reminds me of Paul writing to the Romans.

Romans 9:1–3 (ESV) — 1 I am speaking the truth in Christ—I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit— 2 that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. 3 For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.

We can see how that was Paul’s desire; it should also be ours. These are his kinsmen, meaning they are from the same nation as him. But don’t we feel that toward our immediate family? In some cases, we would do anything to bring them to the point of salvation. Many, if not all, of us have been brought to tears over the spiritual status of someone we love. As we go through Romans, Paul reveals they won’t be saved because they refuse to hear. He cannot cut himself off and save them, nor can we. But Paul does not give up. He does everything in his power to help them see the truth. He becomes a supreme example of faith and love to break through their hard hearts. That’s at the core of what this series is about.

The Family Begins

Today, we will begin our study with the foundation of a family, marriage. Marriage is God’s plan for many. As we open our Bibles to Genesis 2, we read about God letting man look at all the animals to see that none of them were like him. Then, God put Adam to sleep and used his rib to fashion a woman.

Genesis 2:18–25 (ESV) — 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

‌God gave man to woman to share life with because it was not good for man to be alone. The husband would leave his father and mother and be joined by his wife, becoming one flesh.

The Problem

This leave and cleave way of life has been destroyed since the invention of birth control. Men and women throughout the world are starting a family less and less. They just want to meet all their desires without being tied down to someone who might make them miserable.

The consumer mindset I mentioned being prevalent in the church is easily seen in the dating/marriage world. People who get married want out because they think marriage means they will experience greater romantic fulfillment. To them, the primary purpose of getting married is found in the phrase made famous by the movie Jerry McGuire, “You complete me.” I remember thinking along those lines when we married, which made life miserable. Jenna could never fill the God-sized hole inside of me. In those days, marriage wasn’t about partnering with someone and coming together to fulfill a greater purpose. It was about me getting what I deserved. When each person sees himself or herself as supreme, they say, “Give me what I want, or I’m taking my business elsewhere.” That’s not a sound basis for marriage relationships.

What About You?

I wonder how many of you have flourishing marriages and how many of you are floundering. If you have been married for over a few months, you have faced some difficulties. Some of you might have been entirely selfish and ridiculous like I was.

Perhaps you have chosen to put on a show. This facade or dream marriage is prevalent in our social media-driven society. One day, someone has all these beautiful family pictures in their profile, and the next, the profile picture changes to selfy or kid pictures. It’s not long before we hear a rant on Facebook.

Love is quickly eroding when we project strength and refuse to be vulnerable or reach out for help when there are serious problems. If you are here today and either you or your spouse feels like your marriage is floundering, it’s floundering. The lies and deceptions are playing into the hand of Satan, who wants you to fail.

What Does Satan Want?

Consider what Satan wants to happen in a marriage relationship. He wants all of the roles to be mixed up. We read in Ephesians 5 about those roles of the wife and the husband.

Ephesians 5:22–28 (ESV) — 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

‌This is an image of what God wants. He wants wives to submit and husbands to serve. So what does Satan want? Satan wants men to refuse to step into their role as the head and spiritual leader of the family. He wants them distracted from being the spiritual example for their wives. He wants them to be impatient and unconcerned about the well-being of their wives. He wants them to make selfish demands, disrespectful judgments, and angry outbursts.

Satan wants women to reject their submissive and supportive role. He wants them to show no love, respect, or affection to the husband. He wants them to rebel against their husband, pursuing dishonest, independent, or annoying behavior to get what they want.

Overall, Satan wants us to break our marriage covenant. He wants us to make things worse to be miserable and then ignore that we promised to love them when things get worse. He wants us to be selfish and break what God has joined together. God meant it for our good, but Satan wants to use it for our destruction.

What Happens?

Paul’s words in 1 Cor 7 ought to help us understand this. In writing about marriage, this is what he said.

1 Corinthians 7:6–9 (ESV) — 6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Paul says that he understands the difficulty of remaining unmarried. We develop love and passion for someone, and we struggle with self-control. Hopefully, none of us got married because it was the popular thing to do. Usually, there is a wooing and a pursuit that goes on. Then, that develops into an obsession and a passion for one another. As a Christian, self-control is part of the fruit of the Spirit. So, if you were a Christian before marriage, you recognize that Paul is saying you lacked self-control. If we cannot exercise self-control, that means we have a weakness. That almost makes marriage sound like a bad thing. If we get married, are we admitting that we can’t keep a handle on our passions? No, maybe we can, but the better solution is to marry. God gave us marriage to help us develop greater self-control. Marriage is a way for us to overcome this weakness. It is a way for us to experience sexual fulfillment on some level and become more self-controlled. But it seems to develop out of a weakness we have. Isn’t that odd?

Satan wants to cultivate that weakness, but God designed marriage to help us overcome our weaknesses together.

The Solution

If you are in a marriage where either of you is miserable and you are becoming less godly, something must change.

I’ve been where you are sitting. You look at your spouse and think, “He or she is not working hard enough at this. I’m not experiencing the romantic bliss that I was promised.” We put our money in the candy machine, and the candy isn’t coming out. This is a ripoff! But that’s not the way relationships work at all. If we want to develop a flourishing relationship instead of floundering, we must stop thinking about it this way and put on a different mindset. We must develop spiritual maturity.

Remember Your Vow

To defeat Satan’s attacks, we must first and foremost remember that we have been joined to our spouse by God. We are bound to love until death separates us.

Romans 7:1–3 (ESV) — 1 Or do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law is binding on a person only as long as he lives? 2 For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. 3 Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.

Too many in our society speak these words without considering their meaning. God expects those who repent and submit to him to make good on their vows if possible. If you are in a flailing relationship, remember your commitment to seeing this relationship through the “worse” and begin to work on what matters.

Learn To See Them Differently

I don’t want to leave here today without giving some practical application. How can we develop spiritually with our spouse? If your marriage is flailing, especially if your spouse doesn’t care about serving the Lord, first set your mind on the Lord. Your faith is his lifeline. It’s his or her best opportunity to come to the truth. But then, learn to love again. I’ve spoken to many young married couples who can’t stand one another. Many of us transition from thinking about our spouses as objects to seeing them as beautiful souls. How do we go through that transition?

This attitude is most clearly seen in the Song of Solomon. When reading Song of Solomon, you will notice multiple times that the man describes his woman using romantic language. He speaks romantically to her and complements her from head to toe. But after they have a trial and come close to giving in to the lustful temptations, the male character changes his perspective of her. He chooses to stop lusting after her and start respecting her. In the first two descriptions of the woman, he describes her from head to toe. Notice how he describes her the third time.

Song of Solomon 7:1–5 (ESV) — 1 How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter! Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. 2 Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies. 3 Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. 4 Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon, which looks toward Damascus. 5 Your head crowns you like Carmel, and your flowing locks are like purple; a king is held captive in the tresses.

As a side note, we shouldn’t use the same language as this guy to compliment our wives. But listen to how he complements her now. He goes from foot to head. Why? His perspective has changed. He looks up to her and respects her. He still has a romantic desire for her, as seen in verses 6-9.

Song of Solomon 7:6–9 (ESV) — 6 How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! 7 Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. 8 I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, 9 and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth.

He wants to be romantic and passionate with her, and there is nothing wrong with that, but notice that he talks about her stature. She is a palm tree, fortified and robust. We all need to change the way we look at our spouse. If you cannot stand the sight of your spouse, the problem could have more to do with your eyes than his or her appearance. If you think negatively about him or her because he or she has failed to satisfy your selfish pursuits, they will not have a chance to fulfill the role they were meant to fulfill. We will push their buttons and become a plague. No one can hurt you like a spouse can hurt you.

The solution is to stop thinking negatively and give them a chance to be what God intended for them to be. Don’t expect them to fill the God-sized hole inside of you, but let them be a life partner and encourage them to be someone you can share life with.

Set Your Heart On Faith In God

As followers of Christ, we are called to live for more than the selfish enjoyment of the things of this world. Our purpose in life is not to please ourselves. But the closer we grow to God, the greater our relationships become. As husbands and wives, if we raise the awareness of God and his will for us above everything else, everything does tend to get better. Men stop abusing their wives physically, emotionally, or mentally. If we are in tune with God’s will, we seek to understand them. Women stop trying to dominate and control the house. They become less independent and more supportive. Fussing and fighting are what happens when we lose sight of God’s presence and his will. We do this in our weakness when stressed or exhausted, but that’s not who we are or how we want to live.

Colossians 3:12–19 (ESV) — 12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. 18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

‌When we put God first, we make our marriage about encouraging one another to grow spiritually. We give into God’s role for us and strive to grow stronger. Then love and joy abound. When we are willing to step into our submissive and servant roles, we start to love each other more than ever. We begin to cherish one another’s souls and stop loving one another’s bodies. It’s not about what my spouse can do for me. It’s about what we can accomplish together with God’s help. What starts as a passion for self becomes a more incredible passion for God.

Let Your Devotion Be Undivided

The final point I want to make brings us back to 1 Cor 7. This text that revealed God’s design for marriage to help us through our weaknesses also tells us that marriage is not the ultimate solution. The ultimate solution to sin is a stronger devotion to God.

1 Corinthians 7:32–35 (ESV) — 32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Whether married or not, our goal is greater devotion to the Lord and faith. Faith in the Lord makes us consider the future. It helps us endure difficult times and gives us hope for the day when we enjoy life together at an older age. Please don’t listen to Satan, who wants you to be miserable with your spouse. Seek God first, and then enjoy life with the one soul God entrusted you. Seek to encourage and build them up in the Lord. They are, after all, one flesh with you.

If you are unmarried, Paul encourages you to increase your devotion to the Lord without having a spouse. The Spirit can help you bring your desires under control if you let him. But we all need to increase our faith.

How About You?

How about you? Are you holding on to a selfish, consumer mindset and causing yourself (and your spouse) a lot of unnecessary pain? I’m not asking you to think about your spouse, and please don’t ask them if they were listening to this sermon on the way home. I want everyone married in this audience to think about their motivation and faith.

It’s not easy to maintain a focus on God. As I said earlier, Satan is working to redirect our focus on this world and bring about our destruction. Don’t let that happen. Broken homes will never shine as brightly as homes where a husband and wife resemble God’s desire for Christ and the church. Husbands, love, honor, and seek to understand your wives. Let that be your mission, even though she changes and is unlike you. Wives, make sure to love, support, and encourage your husbands. None of us can grow to our fullest potential without the other.