Marriage & Dating
In a world where the definitions and boundaries of love and commitment are constantly shifting, where the currents of culture seem to pull us in every direction but the right one, we find ourselves longing for something true, something unchanging—a guide that can navigate us through the complexities of human relationships with wisdom, purpose, and clarity. If only something like that existed.
Today, we are diving deep into the timeless wisdom of Scripture, from the beginnings of relationships, to the teachings of Solomon, to the profound teachings of Paul and Peter in the New Testament. We'll explore what God's Word reveals about the journey from attraction to deep, enduring love, the sanctity of marriage, and the principles that guide us in dating and preparing for a lifetime commitment.
Marriage and Dating Through Scripture
In the beginning, God created the heavens, the earth, and everything in them, but He pointed out that "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him" (Genesis 2:18). From the dust of the ground and the breath of life, to the side of Adam from which Eve was crafted, here begins the divine narrative of companionship—this profound need for connection that echoes through the ages, grounding us in the truth that at the very core of our being, we were designed for relationship. It's not just about filling a void or satisfying a need; it's about reflecting the image of a relational God, a divine calling to mirror the communion within the Trinity itself.
Venturing into the wisdom literature, Proverbs lays out with piercing clarity the qualities of a spouse who fears the Lord. "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels" (Proverbs 31:10). On the other hand, Solomon also warns, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” (Proverbs 21:9) I imagine the same would hold true for a quarrelsome husband. This isn't just about finding a partner; it's a quest for someone whose value is immeasurable, whose character is steeped in the fear of the Lord. It's about recognizing that the pursuit of a spouse is not a superficial endeavor but a sacred journey towards finding someone who embodies the virtues that endure. Proverbs is Solomon’s letter to his sons, encouraging them to pursue wisdom, and a special place is there for them to choose a partner carefully, and to avoid the foolishness of adultery.
Ecclesiastes, with its candid reflection on life's vanities, brings us to the simplicity and strength found in companionship. "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). In the midst of life's fleeting pursuits, the Preacher points us to the enduring value of a partner—a witness to our lives, a co-laborer in our endeavors, and a comforter in our trials.
And then, there's the Song of Solomon, a vibrant poem of love, desire, and commitment, painting a picture of romantic love that is both fervent and pure. From the longing glances to the passionate embraces, the Song invites us into the sacredness of marital love, reminding us of the joy found in waiting, the beauty of fidelity, and the strength of a love that refuses to be awakened before its time. If Proverbs was written to Solomon’s sons, Song of Solomon was written to his daughters. This book is a journey from attraction to mature love that culminates in a profound understanding of love's true nature—one that is patient, pure, and purposeful.
As we step back, gazing through the lens of Scripture, we see the contours of a divine design—a blueprint for relationships that calls us to a love that reflects the heart of our Creator. Marriage, as revealed through the wisdom of the ages, is not merely a human institution but a sacred covenant that mirrors the very nature of God. It's a journey that demands more than fleeting feelings; it requires a foundation built on commitment, character, and a Christ-like love.
When we come to the New Testament, we find the fullness of God’s desires for our relationships. It’s as though the men and women in the first century were confused about what God really wanted in marital relations, so Jesus, Paul, and Peter all touch on this topic in a way that fills in our gaps and misunderstandings. What about if they are unfaithful? How should I fulfill my responsibilities towards my spouse? Who comes first? What is my role in this relationship? They aren’t like me, how do I deal with that? Do I have to marry?
Approaching marriage with the right heart and attitude is not just about fulfilling personal desires or societal expectations. It's about entering into a divine narrative, ready to play our part in a story much larger than ourselves. It's about seeking someone not just for what they can give us but for how we can serve them, honor them, and reflect God's love to them. It's a quest not for perfection but for a partnership that, under God, strives towards holiness, happiness, and a profound purpose beyond mere companionship.
In this sacred journey, let us be guided by the wisdom of Scripture. We seek to honor God in our relationships, dating, and our approach to marriage. For in this pursuit, we find not just love but a calling to reflect the very nature of God to a world in desperate need of understanding what true love really looks like.
Lessons from the Song of Solomon
In the Song of Solomon, we witness the unfolding of a love story that captures the essence of godly relationships. It's a narrative that begins with attraction and desire, yet is deeply rooted in the anticipation of a love that honors God.
Purity and Anticipation (Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4)
Three times, our beloved implores, "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." This refrain, echoing through the vineyards and the streets of Jerusalem, serves as a beacon of wisdom—urging us towards restraint and the beauty of waiting. It's a call to honor the sacred timing of love, to wait for its proper unfolding within the covenant of marriage. This anticipation isn't about withholding but about preparing, nurturing a love that grows in depth and strength, rooted in the soil of patience and purity.
The Protective Role of the Community (Song of Solomon 8:8-9)
In a tender moment, the brothers of our Shulamite woman express their concern for her purity and well-being. They ask, "What shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for?" Their words paint a vivid picture of the community's role in guarding and guiding the journey towards love. Herein lies a vital lesson: the path to marital bliss is not a solitary venture but one that is supported and shepherded by the wisdom and care of those who walk with us.
Mature Love (Song of Solomon 7:10-12)
As the story progresses, we witness the maturation of love between our lovers. The woman declares, "I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me. Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages; let us go out early to the vineyards..." Here, in the fullness of time, love has blossomed into a deep, enduring commitment—a love that is confident, mutual, and ready to face the world together. This mature love speaks of a journey that has weathered the seasons of waiting and longing, emerging stronger, richer, and more deeply rooted in God's design.
The Value of Godly Love
The Song of Solomon, with its poetic beauty and depth, invites us into a story that is not just about two lovers but about God's vision for love, purity, and commitment. It's a narrative that challenges us to view our relationships through the lens of divine wisdom, urging us towards a love that reflects the heart of our Creator.
In this love story, we find a model for our relationships—a love that is patient, that respects the sacredness of marriage, and that grows under the watchful eyes of a community that cares. This is the kind of love that not only captures the heart but also honors the soul—a love that is truly worth waiting for.
As we navigate the complexities of modern relationships, may the lessons from the Song of Solomon inspire us to pursue a love that is pure, patient, and deeply rooted in the principles of God's Word. For in this pursuit, we find not just the joy of human love but the reflection of divine love—a love that endures, transforms, and ultimately leads us closer to the heart of God.
Application: Navigating Modern Relationships
Dating with Purpose
In a culture that often celebrates casual relationships devoid of commitment, Scripture calls us to date with purpose and intentionality. Just as the Song of Solomon celebrates the beauty of waiting and the anticipation of love, so too should we approach dating with the end goal of marriage in mind. This doesn't mean every date leads to marriage, but it does mean we enter into relationships thoughtfully, considering the qualities that matter most—character, faithfulness, and the ability to commit.
Challenges and Encouragement
The challenge to maintain purity in a hyper-sexualized world is real. Yet, the repeated refrain in Proverbs is “Don’t go into her house.” For us that may mean, “Don’t go into that website,” or “Don’t take that work relationship to a personal level.” The Song of Solomon repeats the idea to not awaken love before its time. For those dating, this serves as both a caution and an encouragement. It's a reminder that true love is worth the wait, and that purity isn't just about saying 'no' to certain actions but saying 'yes' to a deeper, more fulfilling love that honors God. Scriptures encourage those dating to set boundaries that protect the heart, the mind, and the body, understanding that these boundaries aren't restrictions but rather affirmations of the value and worth of godly love.
The Role of Faith
Integrating faith into the relationship from the start is vital. This means more than just attending church together; it's about making Christ the center of each individual’s life and the center of the relationship. Pray together, study Scripture together, and seek to serve together, allowing your relationship to be a reflection of God's love and grace. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." When God is woven into the fabric of your relationship, it gains strength, resilience, and a deeper sense of purpose.
A Call to Godly Relationships
As we reflect on the journey of love depicted in the Song of Solomon and the broader wisdom found throughout Scripture, let's embrace the call to pursue relationships that are grounded in purity, intentionality, and faith. This is not a journey we walk alone; we have the support of our community, the wisdom of Scripture, and the guiding presence of the Holy Spirit.
In a world that often seems to be in a hurry, let's choose the path of patience, waiting on God's timing for love to awaken. Let's commit to relationships that honor God, not just in the moment, but in the journey towards a future that reflects His design for love, marriage, and family.
As we navigate the complexities of dating and preparing for marriage, may we do so with wisdom, grace, and a heart that seeks to honor God above all. For in this pursuit, we find not just the joy of companionship but the deeper joy of living in alignment with God's will, reflecting His love and grace to a world in need of both.
A Call to Love and Respect: Ephesians 5:22-33
In Ephesians 5, Paul paints a breathtaking picture of marital love that mirrors Christ's love for the Church. He calls husbands to love their wives "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." This is not a love that is passive or self-serving; it is active, sacrificial, and purifying. It's a love that nurtures and cherishes, recognizing the wife as a precious gift from God.
To the wives, Paul's instruction to submit to their husbands "as to the Lord" is often misunderstood in modern discourse. Yet, in the context of mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21), this is a call to respect and support, acknowledging the husband's role as the leader of the family, even as Christ is the head of the Church. This submission is not about inequality or subjugation but about a harmonious partnership that reflects Christ's relationship with His Church.
Living with Understanding and Honor: 1 Peter 3:1-7
Peter, in his first epistle, echoes and expands upon Paul's teachings. He calls wives to a beauty that comes not from outward adornment but from the inner self, "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." It's a beauty recognized and valued by God Himself. Peter encourages wives to be submissive to their husbands so that even those who do not believe may be won over by their conduct.
To husbands, Peter offers a command to live with their wives in an understanding way, showing honor to them as "the weaker vessel." This is not a derogation but an acknowledgment of the preciousness and value of the wife, deserving of respect and care. Husbands are reminded that their prayers are hindered when they fail to treat their wives with the understanding and honor they deserve.
Reflecting Christ in Our Marriages
What Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3 reveal is a divine vision for marriage that stands in stark contrast to the world's views. It's a vision where love is sacrificial, respect is foundational, and the marital bond is a testament to the world of Christ's love for the Church. In these passages, we find not just roles and responsibilities but a calling to reflect the very heart of God in our most intimate human relationships.
As we strive to embody these principles in our marriages, let's remember that this calling is not beyond our reach. It is made possible through the grace of God, who equips us to love, respect, and honor our spouses in a way that reflects His love for us. In doing so, we not only strengthen our marriages but we also shine as beacons of hope and grace in a world longing for true love's demonstration.
In this sacred calling, may we all—husbands and wives alike—find the grace, strength, and wisdom to build marriages that glorify God, reflecting the beauty, purity, and commitment we've seen woven through Scripture, from the Song of Solomon to the teachings of Paul and Peter. For in these divine instructions, we discover the blueprint for relationships that endure, characterized by love that sacrifices, respect that uplifts, and a unity that mirrors the unity of Christ with His Church.
Conclusion
The journey of love, from the fluttering heartbeats of attraction in the Song of Solomon to the sacrificial love and mutual respect outlined by Paul and Peter, is not just about human relationships. It's a divine narrative, a reflection of God's heart and His profound love for us, woven through the very fabric of Scripture.
We've traversed the landscapes of Genesis, danced through the vineyards of the Song of Solomon, and walked the ancient streets of Ephesus and Rome, only to find that at every turn, God's Word illuminates the path to relationships that are rich, fulfilling, and glorifying to Him. It's a path marked by purity, patience, and a deep, abiding love that echoes the love Christ has for His Church.
In the practical steps of dating with intentionality, in the challenges and encouragements to maintain purity, and in the scriptural mandate to embody sacrificial love and respect within marriage, we find not just guidelines but a calling. It's a calling to live out our relationships in such a way that they reflect the beauty, the sanctity, and the transformative power of God's love.
As we conclude, let this message be not just a reflection but a call to action—a call to approach our relationships, whether in the budding stages of dating or the deep waters of marriage, with hearts aligned to God's. Let us be individuals, couples, and communities that honor God in every aspect of our relationships, demonstrating to the world the unfathomable depth of love that Christ has for each of us.
May our love stories, in all their complexity and beauty, be testimonies of God's faithfulness and grace. And as we step forward, whether hand in hand with a partner or in the hopeful anticipation of love to come, let us do so with the confidence that God is with us, guiding us, refining us, and enriching our relationships with His divine presence.
Let us pray that our lives, especially our closest relationships, may always be a fragrant offering to the Lord, reflecting His love and light to a world in desperate need of both. And may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all, now and forevermore. Amen.
Go forth in love, for love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Let your relationships be a living testament to the transformative power of His love in your life.